


only forward

by invoked_duplicity



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Episode: s2e14 Coda, Found Family, M/M, autistic caleb, i was missing a bit of molly-comforting so i wrote a bit of it myself, spoilers for episode 14
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-13
Updated: 2018-04-13
Packaged: 2019-04-22 11:18:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,098
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14307522
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/invoked_duplicity/pseuds/invoked_duplicity
Summary: Molly panics. Caleb tries to comfort him.





	only forward

**Author's Note:**

> So, this episode broke my heart, trampled on it and threw it into the meatcutter afterwards and I have a lot of feelings. For Molly and for everything else. I wanted more comfort for my purple disaster tiefling, so I wrote a tiny piece for it myself.

### I

Molly is freaking out. 

He tries to hide it, but he feels the panic creeping into his bones, closing off his throat and numbing his lungs. Breathing is way harder than before, while he tries to wrap his head around all the things that happened. 

_I am Mollymauk Tealeaf. Molly. Molly to my friends._

_I. Am. Mollymauk._

_And I don’t have to go back. Ever._

But his organs feel like curling snakes and his skin is too tight. Molly wishes he could just drink himself into a stupor and stop thinking about all the fucking weird things that happened to him today. 

He doesn’t care about Lucien. That is not a person he wants to get to know. He likes who he is. And he wants people to look at him and see that same person. Molly. 

_I am not empty any longer._

Molly can feel everyone looking at him. Yasha’s big hand on his knee is grounding him, but it’s not enough and he needs to breathe. He needs some whiskey. And he definitely needs to get the fuck out of this tight room that’s pressing down on him right now, much like dirt covering his face and preventing him from breathing. 

With everyone’s eyes on him he gets up and tries to put on one of his smiles. The easy ones that usually come to him without problem, but he can feel the fakeness of it on his face like a cold rain seeping into his skin. 

_I am not empty._

“I need a drink”, he says. His voice sounds far away in his own ears, as if coming from someone else’s mouth. But this is his voice. Molly’s voice. He’s not giving it back to this shitty guy that got buried in a forest two years ago. 

After he leaves the room Molly immediately misses the presence of the others. Maybe even Beau’s, though he would never admit this. Her annoying behavior is a reassuring constant in all of this. 

He gets two glasses of whiskey and leaves the tavern, rounding one of the corners and just leaning on the wall. If he could turn back time, he wouldn’t have gone into that cellar. If he could’ve known who was down there, he would have turned on his heels and left this forsaken place and this other fucker – Lucien, or whatever other names he had – behind.

Molly doesn’t take his time with the alcohol, he downs the whiskeys in one go and just throws the glasses into the alleyway. 

Breathe in. Breathe out. 

_Just breathe_ , Mollymauk Tealeaf. _You know how to breathe._

He looks up into the night sky and tries to count all the stars to calm himself. He gets lost somewhere between ninety-seven and ninety-nine and stops. His neck hurts a bit from looking up and he wonders if he should get more whiskey, when steps approach him hesitantly. 

Yasha doesn’t walk like this, her steps are heavy and self-assured and Molly closes his eyes just for the fun of it to guess who’s approaching him. Jester skips, Beau either stomps or sneaks, Nott skittles, Fjord saunters. 

Leaves Mister Caleb “I like calculated risks” Widogast. 

And indeed, as Molly opens his eyes again, there he stands in all his shabby glory with an uncertain look on his face and a glass of whiskey in his hand. 

“You said that you wanted a drink”, Caleb says. Molly considers making a joke about Caleb’s miserable social skills to deflect his own panic, but he doesn’t. Strangely enough he isn’t even in the mood for jokes right now. 

“Yeah, I had two. Just to be sure”, he says lightly but his voice isn’t as carefree as he would like. Caleb offers Molly the glass he carries and Molly doesn’t hesitate to take it and drown the whiskey in one big gulp. 

“Thanks.”

“So, you said… you said that it doesn’t matter where one comes from. And what… what happened before. That this doesn’t matter to you”, Caleb says and his eyes dart nervously from place to place, eventually lingering on a spot over Molly’s shoulder. 

Molly knows that Caleb hates eye contact. He cocks his head and wonders what is currently happening in Caleb’s head. 

“Correct. I don’t know shit about all you people’s pasts and I don’t care to”, he answers. And he means it. Caleb fidgets with his hands now and Molly can see him swallowing several times before speaking again. 

“So… that… that means a lot. That you think that. I don’t think that I ever met someone like you, Mollymauk Tealeaf.”

Every cell in Molly’s body zooms in on the sound of his name, his chosen name, the one that represents everything he is today. It actually means a lot that Caleb calls him like this so deliberately, without stumbling over it or trying out one of those other, horrible names. 

“Well, I am unlike any other person I’ve ever met as well”, he says with a wink. Even though Caleb is not directly looking at him, Molly can see a blush creep up his neck and cheeks. Even his ears are a little red and Molly finds that strangely endearing. 

“I am here to return the favor”, Caleb mutters finally, shoving his hands in the pockets of his coat and Molly has no idea what he’s talking about – and truthfully, he doesn’t have the mental capacities to figure it out – as Caleb leans forward, hesitates for a long moment and then presses his chapped and dry lips on Molly’s forehead. 

And then, as if Caleb cannot believe what he just did, he takes two steps back and ducks his head. 

“You know, you don’t have to panic on your own. We’re all inside. If you want more drinks. I think you wouldn’t even have to pay”, Caleb says eventually, takes a last glance at Molly and then walks away, much faster now, as if utterly embarrassed by his own actions. 

But Molly can still feel the press of dry lips on his forehead and it tingles there, strangely comforting. He remembers the burning man and his kiss on Caleb’s forehead. Molly didn’t even expect Caleb to remember. 

_You are no longer empty, Mollymauk Tealeaf._

He takes a few, deep breaths and heads back into the tavern, where he is just Mollymauk Tealeaf to all those weird ass people who sit around one of the tables, who saved a seat for him and already ordered three more whiskeys just for Molly. 

_Only forward_ , Molly thinks as he sits down. _Only forward._  



End file.
